Twos, Threes and Tantrums

Moms Talk is a new feature on Cartersville Patch that is part of an effort to reach out to moms and families.

Cartersville Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in Cartersville.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community will have a new resource for questions about local neighborhood schools, the best pediatricians, 24-hour pharmacies and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

Moms Talk will also be the place to drop in for a talk about the latest parenting hot topic. Do you know of local moms raising their children in the Tiger Mother's way and is it the best way? Where can we get information on local flu shot clinics for children? How do we talk to our children about the Tucson shootings? How can we help our children's schools weather their budget cutbacks?

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with a question from our Moms Council.

What are the best ways to handle temper tantrums and curb the behavior?

Parents stretched to their limits and often feel overwhelmed when a child pitches a temper tantrum. A parent feels like the behavior is directly aimed at them. Sometimes two parents having different approaches to the same behavior adds to a already stressful situation.

The best way to handle outbursts by the child is to set clear guide lines, consequences for each action and those should be agreed upon by both parents. These guidelines are set to reinforce structure. This is always the hardest in the beginning.

Parents want to give in and the child tends to resist the change in their lifestyle. If parents are persistent and united, the child knows what consequence to expect. It is a bigger relief when one parent doesn’t feel like there in it alone — instead there is a united front and that in itself is enough to help cope with the stress of a tantrum. The biggest trick to controlling a child’s behavior is structure. Stick with it don’t give in and don’t give up.

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Oh the tantrums of the Terrible Two’s and the equally horrendous Terrifying Three’s. We have all witnessed another child’s meltdown of epic proportions, while running away with our fingers in our ears thinking, “My angel will never behave like THAT”!  Then low and behold, your time arrives. 24 months. A switch goes off in your child’s head and immediately they become something you have never seen before. Hysterical crying, screaming, screeching, throwing themselves in a heap on the ground and other various forms of terror. The good thing is this is all normal behavior. The bad thing is this is wearing your nerves thin.

I recommend three ways to keep your little one’s antics to a minimum. First, give them a distraction. There is always a reason for the tantrum. Maybe he is tired, hungry or just plain bored.

The trick is figuring out what he will need and supply it to them before they strike.  Be the best entertainer you can be and keep snacks on hand. Use his short attention span to your advantage. 

Next, ignore them and give him some space. Reasoning with him will not occur until after he has calmed down. In most cases, tantrums are the only way a small child can communicate and express his feelings. Giving into their wants while he is throwing a fit will only prove to him the need to cry for everything. 

Let him learn to control his own emotions and then speak with him afterwards to find a resolution. 

Third, nip this behavior in the bud. Keep your cool when talking with him about what he did wrong. Using a soothing voice shows him the behavior will not be tolerated. 

This is more of a tool for you because the last thing you should do is yell back, as much as you really want to. Be consistent and do not let your guard down. Part of the tantrum is wanting attention and giving in to crocodile tears time and again will keep those tears around a lot longer than you want.

Hopefully these ideas will get you through the tough times without any major damage. Remember that tantrums are normal, natural and temporary. Shower your children with love. Show them they can always count on you and start each day with the mantra, “This is just a phase, this is just a phase.”

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Temper tantrums are your child's attempt to control you, and how you respond in the heat of a tantrum influences whether or not they will become reoccurring events. It is tempting to want to discipline your child during an outburst but try holding back and employing some classical conditioning.

Rather than respond negatively during the outburst, wait for a calm in the storm and respond positively. Show your child that good behavior gets your attention more than bad behavior. Good behavior is rarely acknowledged because it is expected but bad behavior almost gets attention, maybe it’s time to switch this paradigm.

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