December 23 will be the 7-year anniversary of my Breast Cancer diagnosis.
I would like to say it is a distant memory but it is not. This is not because pink ribbons are everywhere now especially this month. There are constant reminders in my daily life.
We can start with the obvious...the scars that are now like a road map for my journey. I see them everyday and my daughters ask about them often. My not so matching set that causes shirts to pull to one side. This is great when trying to wear my favorite strapless shirt. My hair...don't get me started on that, especially the new cowlick that showed up in the back of my head, that no amount of straightening will tame. The numbness (neuropathy) in my fingertips that make it difficult to button my daughter's clothes. The fact that I have very little memory of the first few months of my youngest daughter's life. Not sure if this is because of chemo brain or because I was focusing on getting well.
I haven't erased any of my "sisters" that have passed from my phone. I can't. One of the worst reminders is when someone around you is diagnosed and you understand what they are about to go through...I wish I did not understand. Another bad reminder is when you need a mammogram and you approach it with a been there done that attitude until they call you back for more pictures and then all of that fear creeps back in.
But I am lucky because I get to look into the eyes of another reminder every single day and smile. These are the eyes of the daughter I was pregnant with when diagnosed. These are the eyes of my angel.
If you would like to hear more about my journey, please visit Five Years Out - The Documentary Film Project on Facebook.